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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Monstroid (1979)


Sometimes, you can tell exactly what a movie is like from the title.  Such was the case with this week's "What Movie Wednesday" winner, "Monstroid"...

A small Colombian town has experienced a strange series of disappearances around a lake the accepts the drain off from a plant nearby.  The plant's company send out a trouble shooter to find out what the problem is and fix it... but finds that the answer is something more deadly than just pollution...

This is going to be a short review this week, since there really isn't that much to say about this film.

It's a bad film.  Seriously.  Bad.  Just bad.  Seriously bad.  Just seriously bad.

The premise isn't bad, but everything surrounding it is bad.  The subplot of the woman accused of being a witch, the one of the eco-terrorist, and the subplot of the pant employee's relationship with the Mayor's daughter are just kinda thrown into the movie, with no real impact on the story.

Actually, I must correct myself.  The plant employee's relationship with the Mayor's daughter DOES impact on the story twice.  The first time is when he breaks up with his first girlfriend (after some lakeside nookie no less- talk about class, eh?), and she gets nommed by the monstroid.  The second is when he's supposed to be on radar duty watching for evidence of something in the lake.  He gets a little radar side nookie with the Mayor's duaghter, and misses the blip on the radar screen just before the monstroid noms on two drunk fishermen in a boat.

The woman accused of being a witch is introduced only to get burnt at the stake later, and the eco-terrorist is introduced just so he can blow himself up later.

The characters aren't all that interesting, either.  I actually wanted to see them get nommed on.  Never a good sign when a movie makes you feel that way about EVERY single character... including the smart kids and their dog.  I REALLY wanted the plant employee (who's horn dog tendencies lead to a total of three deaths) to become monstroid kibble.

Maybe if they had better dialogue and scripting, the acting might've been better... but I'm doubting that.  At least the women were good looking.

That brings us to the monstroid...

I couldn't tell if it was rubber or paper mache, it was that bad.  It looked almost like a head on a stick.  The mouth didn't move, nor did it blink.  When I saw it, I wondered why they didn't just rent the Godzilla suit from those movies- they looked sooooo much better than this Loch Ness wannabe.

I'm saying this outright: "Don't watch this film!"

I don't recommend this film.  I have NO intention of ever recommending this film.  I have NO intention of ever THINKING about this film ever again, "Monstroid" is just that "Ugly" of a film...

Special Shoutout:

I want to thank everyone that participated in my "What Movie Wednesday" feature.  I'll be doing it again May 23th.

Big thank you to the following people who voted for "Monstroid":

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